Love Makes The World Go Round

Love is said to be hard, but I say with the right person it’s the easiest thing there is. J helped show me that.

In the past, I did everything I could to avoid love, I had no interest in it and the thought of opening my heart up to someone with the potential of getting hurt seemed impossible.

I probably would have continued on with that belief for quite a while if I hadn’t stumbled upon J. Well, more like if I hadn’t swiped right (if you catch my drift.)

He’s pretty much turned me into a complete mush without even trying, so much so that I’ve become that annoying spokesperson for love to my friends. I used to hate that person.

But continuing on with my “annoying spokesperson” role…. There are many things I love about J, all things that I believe everyone should have in a partner. Some of these are:

  1. He makes me feel special, like really special. And it is in a way that I actually believe I am.
  2. He makes me feel calm. I am a ball of anxiety, there’s no way around that. I could be having the most anxious morning, and the second I get on a call with him (we are long distance) that anxiety is gone. I might be hella hyper then, but at least I’m calm.
  3. I can trust him. I have never been the most open person, with my thoughts and emotions, and so far I have been very slow with opening up about certain things from my past. He knows this, but it has meant a lot to me that he’s been patient and has not pressured me to talk about the things I’m not ready to. It’s what has really gotten me to trust him as much as I do today. If we are talking, trust, as in faithful wise, then yeah he’s the first person I’ve ever felt secure about.
  4. He’s always there for me. He’s really like my own personal hype man, makes me believe I am a lot more capable of things then I had previous thought. Besides that, he always there for a talk when I’m having a bad day. He’s a man of few words so he always gives the most simple answers or advice, which tend to the trick compared to complex ones, in my opinion.
  5. He makes me feel beautiful, like probably more than I actually am.
  6. He makes me laugh, he’s 100% a goof and loves to push my buttons. It’s brought out a lot of the carefree side of myself, which I have missed.
  7. He does the little things that make me smile. For example, I LOVE reading, huge bookworm over here, so I talk about books all the time. Mind you in the time I have known him, I’ve never seen him read books, but recently he started one and has stuck to it (even though he always falls asleep reading it.) It’s a minor thing, but is one that has stuck out to me tremendously.
  8. He listens to me. Which sometimes I’m on the fence about because he actually remembers everything I say, and I say some questionable things.
  9. He matches my effort, which makes it a real two way street, and that’s important to me in a relationship, especially a long distance one.
  10. He made me believe in love again. Just by being him.

I could probably go on for days about that things I love about J, but some things are meant to be a bit more private. The reason I picked the things I did for this post, is because I believe they are things that a person should make you feel in a healthy relationship. I have been through the unhealthy situations and from those I was able to figure out the way I wanted to be treated and the way I wanted to feel when I love someone. J gives me that. In essence, he is who makes me feel safe and he will never know how much that truly means to me.

Long story short. Wait for your J. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, leave, it’s not going to change, they will always remain the same. And if you finally get the courage to leave, just know that there is a person out there that will give you all the love you deserve and more. I promise.

Cheers!

Mirjam

P.S. J is not his actual name, it will just be used when he is referenced to in my posts.

P.P.S J also reads my blog so, hey babe, I love you.

Tale of a Restless Spirit

I think my biggest fear in life is living a mediocre one. For me, that would be settling for a job I don’t like, or settling for a person not meant for me, or just doing anything that doesn’t make me 100% happy.

I see it all around me, people settling because what they have is just “fine”, it pays the bills, it gives them a family, or stability. Whatever the case may be, they find something that just passes and they stick to it.

I don’t want “fine,” I want to absolutely knock it out of the park. I want that life with travel, I want to be with my the love of my life and not call it “settling” and I want to know that I did everything I possibly could have to make it a life that was worth living.

The restlessness of my spirit sometimes eats at me, it leads to so much overthinking and wondering. Sometimes it really feels like a curse, being unable to take what I have and make that feel enough. I think it’s because I know I am capable of more.

My biggest area of restlessness is my work. Going through my twenties I have had trouble finding that job that I love and want to go to everyday, one that the passion never fades in. I seem to keep getting stuck in jobs where they turn into only a way to make ends meet.

While many people are alright with that, I am not. I will continue searching till I find what fits me, the type of job I wake up excited to go to work for. I know I have worked hard to get to where I am now and I have the time to keep searching, so I will keep truckin’ on.

Another part of my restless spirit is that I have trouble staying in on place. I always have the itch to go somewhere new, which probably explains me having moved so many times. I get that from my parents. They got married and moved about seven times until settling in the States.

I have the need to see the world, to see how people work, to experience, but mostly to observe. I want to know the differences in people among me and I want to know the similarities. Sometimes I think I want to know too much.

The restlessness of my spirit gives me drive. It won’t ever allow me to stop or to take less than I deserve or am capable of. It will allow me to make the most out of my life, allow me to see the world, and allow me to be the happiest me I can become.

So yes, a restless spirit is not an easy one, but it’s worth it because with that restless spirit I can make all my dreams come true.

Cheers!

Mirjam

“It’s Okay To See A Therapist”

These words were said to me by a close friend a few years ago when I was going through one of lowest points in my life. Back then, it was something I heard, but never took to heart.

I waited another three years after that until I finally set my ego aside and marched into my therapist’s office. That, remains one of my best decisions to date.

Looking back, I wonder why I had such an issue with the idea of going to therapy. It was never anything that would hurt me, it only benefits me, yet I had so much pride that therapy was seen as the last resort for me.

To think that I thought I was tough enough mentally to do it all on my own, was entirely insane. Sometimes you just need help. For me, therapy gives me the chance to just talk. Talk to someone who has no biased option and who only wants the best for me. Talk until I pretty much talk myself into a solution or talk myself into fully understanding what I am thinking or even feeling.

Just given that freedom to talk and air out whatever I have going on in that churning mind of mine. The mind that never stops thinking, that never stops worrying, the mind that seems to always be running from something. Therapy allows me to organize those thoughts better, it allows me to breathe a bit.

“It’s okay to see a therapist.” It plays in my mind everytime I doubt myself or feel the least bit badly about having to go to therapy. I now know it is okay to ask for help and to seek that help. It turns out that taking that little step was worth everything. It saved me.

Cheers!

Mirjam

Let me know your experiences or thoughts on therapy in the comments! Xx

Loving Yourself Is The Greatest Revolution

One of the main things I have been working on the past few years, but have really been starting to achieve this year, is just loving myself. A big part of that is in the way I see myself in the mirror, so sadly it has a lot to do with how I look.

When I was younger, I was always very skinny, mostly due to puberty not really hitting me till I was about seventeen. For me, that was an ideal way to look, so skinny you could literally fit into the smallest size without an issue. That, in itself, is an issue. Turns out, my “womanly” body, as my mother calls it, is quite curvy. Now let me tell you, curvy does not fit into the smallest size. And for me, that was tragic.

From there, started the years of diets, restrictions, and emotional turmoil, all due to hating the way I looked and the fact that I was not skinny enough for myself. The “for myself” is key because I was plenty fine for everyone else.

It is actually ridiculous how you can get so into your mind about something that is not even a problem. It is usually just societal ideals being put into your mind and you deciding you are not good enough. That is what makes it so heartbreaking.

I look at myself today, and I might not think I’m perfect, I still may diet, or have days that I cry about the way I look, but I finally know I’m enough. Just the fact that I don’t obsess about the scale or cry because I don’t fit into something I may have the year before are big steps for me. I’m proud of those steps. I’m proud that I can look in the mirror and feel beautiful or the fact that I finally know I don’t have to be everyone’s idea of perfect. I’m perfect in my own way.

It is with those tiny “victories” that I started loving myself a bit more. To love yourself, in any way, being mentally, physically, or emotionally, is not an easy task and I give props to anyone whose working on that. My advice, is to take it day by day and stop being so hard on yourself, usually it’s just all in your head.

Cheers!

Mirjam