I have never had an easy time with making friends. It’s an area that I feel needs a lot of trust and I have trouble giving that out.
One of my biggest faults is that I am so closed off from people. It is difficult to open up and let people in. It is definitely a side of me that has not fully healed from the past.
When I meet a new person, I like to observe them, see what they are about. This often comes across the wrong way, as it can be seen as judging. Fact of the matter is, I’m not judging, I’m just trying to figure out whether I am safe with the person.
Can I trust this person? Can I tell them things about me? Let them get to know me? Will they find a way to hurt or betray me? Analyse, analyse, analyse.
Too much analysing usually makes you lose your chance though.
I wish I could be the open, carefree person, who is just friends with everyone. The thought alone scares me though.
As often as I talk about wanting new friends, the truth of the matter is, I’m probably just not ready for new ones. I’m learning to be okay with that, in a world where everyone seems to be amazing at socialising. Healing takes time, building trust takes even more, and the right people will come and be patient. Most of all, they will stay.