Oh, What a Life

Hi!

 

I hope you all have had an amazing New Years and that this 2019 will be the year you conquer it all. This post will be focusing on the lessons I have learnt in 2018. While some may not relate, I hope at least a few of you will.

**Warning: this is much deeper than what I tend to write, both style wise and topic wise**

  1. Even when you are afraid, still take the leap.

Sounds cliché, I know. Still, it is 100% true. Moving to Ireland was one of the biggest leaps I have taken in my life. I left all my friends and family behind, to start my own life. There are many “what ifs” that go through ones mind when moving to a different country. Not knowing anyone, not knowing the area, working at a new company, and wondering whether this is the RIGHT decision all create worries. What I took from that is  9 times out of 10, your worries don’t actually come true and that by doing what you are afraid of, you gain the most.

 

  1. Being alone is okay and loneliness is normal. It is what you make of it which matters.

Most people are afraid to be alone, so they get into relationships or get drunk every weekend with people they don’t even like to avoid being alone. While that is fine, the reality of it is that those people may not be alone, but they are most likely still lonely. So, what I have taken for that is not to settle for relationships or create bad habits to avoid being alone, but to embrace it. From that, you learn a hell of a lot about yourself and then after a while being able to be alone is what makes you strong. Loneliness proved to be a lot more difficult. Through loneliness comes sadness, and with that come decisions you may regret or the feeling that you actually can’t do everything you once thought you could. I learnt that you can’t control the feeling of being lonely, everyone feels lonely sometimes, it’s a part of life. Just try and remember it is but a feeling and it usually leaves just as quick as it comes.

 

  1. Stop trying to control every aspect of your life, the fact of the matter is that what is meant to happen will happen.

I’m a perfectionist, growing up I had every part of my life planned out. So far, none of those plans have actually happened. Life throws a ton of shit your way and suddenly you find yourself going down roads you never thought you would. At the same time, opportunities and people come your way, and if you take those opportunities and get to know those people, the plans you once had are replaced by new ones and the control you wanted is gone. I’m now okay with the lack of control I may have over what happens in my life because I know good or bad I can handle it. 2018 taught me just to take it as it comes.

 

  1. Explore, the world is gigantic and life passes you by whether you see it or not.

Moving to a different country and starting a job in maritime has opened many doors to seeing the world. Each trip I take allows me to see a different way of life with different types of people and mindsets, opening up my own mind and creating new opinions and thoughts. It is seeing the beauty of the world and the good of the people in it which makes me appreciate life and want to live every part of it to the fullest. I want to know that I did everything I could do to see as much as I possibly can. I refuse to be the woman who sat and watched life go by while everyone else lives it.

 

  1. When love comes knocking, let it in.

Life has handed me many battles, the biggest ones beng in relation to love. I’d say it turned me bitter and into someone I never hoped to be. Building up walls is a dangerous thing when you allow it turn you cold. I always knew that love and “feelings” would be a hurdle and for a long time I didn’t even try to get over it. I hurt a lot of people through my hurt and I will always be sorry for that. But what’s done is done and all I can do now I hope to become better. The biggest thing 2018 has given me is the realization that I am okay, I am not bitter anymore, and my heart is more open than it ever has been. There will obviously be bumps along the way cause that is what comes with growth, but I have gotten over the hurdle. If you had asked me a year ago if I would have answered the door when love came knocking, it would have been a hard no. This year though I’ll welcome it with open arms.

 

New year, new me… Nope, it will always still be the old me, but with some improvements. Growth is continuous and if you want to measure it with a timeline, then doing it yearly makes the most sense. The reason behind this post is more than I needed to understand exactly what I have learnt and how much I have grown. It was a year of emotions and challenges, but I am proud of myself and what more could you want than that.

 

I look forward to what 2019 will bring me, whether it be good or bad, I’m ready.

 

Lots of love,

 

Jam

 

 

 

Let me know what lessons you have learnt in 2018 or even what you hope to gain in 2019 below!

Long Distance…Friendships.

As you grow up, it comes as no surprise that people move away and begin lives of their own. This is always tough, especially when it turns out being your two closest friends who move away.

As mentioned in the previous post, my best friend, Ciel, lives in Boulder, Colorado. That is a four-hour plane ride from where I currently live in New York. She has been my best friend since I was thirteen, so when she left five years ago, a part of me, dramatically, went with her.

My other best friend, Becca, who I have also known since I was thirteen, recently moved away to Israel. This, is obviously an even further distance away than Colorado, and I lost another part of me with her. (Clearly, I must be running low on parts.)

Now, I am all about the dramatics, but I truly was very torn up when they moved away. It felt as though I had lost them for good. This, of course did not happen because we are best friends for a reason and them moving away, but maintaining a ridiculously close relationship, only solidified that.

This post will explore the multitude of lessons I have learnt when it comes to have long distance friendships and maintaining them.

  1. They just live further away, they aren’t dead.

I’m not going to lie, when they moved, I cried as though they had died. This was in part since if I have the chance to overreact to something I will, and that I had never really been without them. If there was anything wrong in my life or I just wanted to hang out, they were just a five-minute drive away. But even when you no longer live five minutes away, you still have them in your life at some capacity, and that is better than not at all.

  1. Technology is a lifesaver.

Seriously, I could not imagine having lived during the time when you had to write letters and wait weeks for them to arrive. Technology has given us so many ways to stay in touch 24/7, if you really wanted to. USE THEM.

  1. Do not be the only one putting in the effort.

Like relationships of any sort, communication needs to go both ways. Sometimes, this means you do not talk for weeks or even months, but eventually one of you will reach out. Just make sure that when they do, you are there.

  1. Even when you have not spoken to or seen each other in months, when you finally are able to, it will feel as though you had never been apart from them in the first place.

I can go weeks without speaking to Ciel, yet whenever we get the chance to facetime or see each other, everything is the same as it was before. We have a bond which distance and time cannot change and I am blessed to have her in my life. Becca, on the other hand, we speak weekly and it remains one of the best parts of my week. So, when we see each other after months of being apart, it feels as though she has never lived more than five minutes away.

  1. Distance is the BEST way to see who your true friends are.

Honestly, it may seem like a ridiculous statement to say it is the BEST way, because why should you have to move to figure that one out? But I truly believe in it. It is the friends who stay in contact with you, worry about you, love you, and refuse to let your friendship die, even when you are hundreds or thousands of miles away, that are your true, soulmate level, friends. For me, those people will always be Becca and Ciel.

 

 

What are some lessons you have learnt when it comes to long distance friendships?