When You Miss Someone

I’d have to say that one of the shittiest (excuse my French) feelings in the world has to be missing someone.

As talked about in a previous post, my love, aka my boyfriend, lives quite far away from me. 3,074 miles to be exact. Not even a drive away, but a six hour flight away. Add a five hour time difference, and you’re living the life.

The life of missing that person, that is.

Long distance is tough, it revolves around a lot of scheduling, waiting, and planning. You miss out on the things that most couples experience together daily and wish constantly that they were there with you.

Life becomes almost split, living in moments, waiting for the day you get to sit in each others company once more or have your toe touching their foot, at the very least. (One of my love languages or how I show love, other than giving gifts*, is physical touch, so that should explain that.)

But the missing, oh the damn missing, that is a feeling that is hard to control. You can control the sadness, the paranoia, and the stress, but the missing, I think is the feeling that always sticks around.

I could be the happiest person in the room, and a part of me will always feel the missing. The, just wanting to be with that person because they are the part of you that makes you feel the most whole.

Missing comes in waves mostly, sometimes it’s a little less because there’s more to distract you and other times, like nighttime, it’s like a smack in the face. I’ve really grown to hate the nighttime since there’s nothing I’d like more than for him to be next to me. Nighttime also tends to be the time of day my thoughts go on turbo engine mode, so it’s not a pretty mix, to say the least.

But the thing about missing is that it always comes to an end because you’re finally with that person again. And the funny thing is, the second that you’re with them, you forget about all the missing, and all that matters is that you’re together.

So, while missing is brutal, it has also taught me to appreciate the time I do get with my boyfriend a whole lot more. Even the times we FaceTime, those few moments a day, where I just get to stare at him** or hear his voice, count the most. They are, by far, the best part of my day, everyday.

The same goes for the days I have gotten to spend with him in person, because of all the missing, every second with him means something to me. They were some of the best days of my life, because he is the most important person to me. We could be doing absolutely nothing and I would rate a 11/10 day.

The fact of the matter is, missing someone is shit, but if you love them, you do what you can and you deal with some of the shittier things, like missing, to be with them. And like I said before, it’s never forever, the missing always comes to an end.

Cheers!

Mirjam

*I know the love language is receiving gifts, but since it is in regards to how I express love, I put it as giving.

**He hates when I stare, which means I have to do it even more, in even creepier ways, muahaha

Love Makes The World Go Round

Love is said to be hard, but I say with the right person it’s the easiest thing there is. J helped show me that.

In the past, I did everything I could to avoid love, I had no interest in it and the thought of opening my heart up to someone with the potential of getting hurt seemed impossible.

I probably would have continued on with that belief for quite a while if I hadn’t stumbled upon J. Well, more like if I hadn’t swiped right (if you catch my drift.)

He’s pretty much turned me into a complete mush without even trying, so much so that I’ve become that annoying spokesperson for love to my friends. I used to hate that person.

But continuing on with my “annoying spokesperson” role…. There are many things I love about J, all things that I believe everyone should have in a partner. Some of these are:

  1. He makes me feel special, like really special. And it is in a way that I actually believe I am.
  2. He makes me feel calm. I am a ball of anxiety, there’s no way around that. I could be having the most anxious morning, and the second I get on a call with him (we are long distance) that anxiety is gone. I might be hella hyper then, but at least I’m calm.
  3. I can trust him. I have never been the most open person, with my thoughts and emotions, and so far I have been very slow with opening up about certain things from my past. He knows this, but it has meant a lot to me that he’s been patient and has not pressured me to talk about the things I’m not ready to. It’s what has really gotten me to trust him as much as I do today. If we are talking, trust, as in faithful wise, then yeah he’s the first person I’ve ever felt secure about.
  4. He’s always there for me. He’s really like my own personal hype man, makes me believe I am a lot more capable of things then I had previous thought. Besides that, he always there for a talk when I’m having a bad day. He’s a man of few words so he always gives the most simple answers or advice, which tend to the trick compared to complex ones, in my opinion.
  5. He makes me feel beautiful, like probably more than I actually am.
  6. He makes me laugh, he’s 100% a goof and loves to push my buttons. It’s brought out a lot of the carefree side of myself, which I have missed.
  7. He does the little things that make me smile. For example, I LOVE reading, huge bookworm over here, so I talk about books all the time. Mind you in the time I have known him, I’ve never seen him read books, but recently he started one and has stuck to it (even though he always falls asleep reading it.) It’s a minor thing, but is one that has stuck out to me tremendously.
  8. He listens to me. Which sometimes I’m on the fence about because he actually remembers everything I say, and I say some questionable things.
  9. He matches my effort, which makes it a real two way street, and that’s important to me in a relationship, especially a long distance one.
  10. He made me believe in love again. Just by being him.

I could probably go on for days about that things I love about J, but some things are meant to be a bit more private. The reason I picked the things I did for this post, is because I believe they are things that a person should make you feel in a healthy relationship. I have been through the unhealthy situations and from those I was able to figure out the way I wanted to be treated and the way I wanted to feel when I love someone. J gives me that. In essence, he is who makes me feel safe and he will never know how much that truly means to me.

Long story short. Wait for your J. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, leave, it’s not going to change, they will always remain the same. And if you finally get the courage to leave, just know that there is a person out there that will give you all the love you deserve and more. I promise.

Cheers!

Mirjam

P.S. J is not his actual name, it will just be used when he is referenced to in my posts.

P.P.S J also reads my blog so, hey babe, I love you.

Hey, Soul Sister

So, many of my recent posts have been a bit on the “deeper” side and I figured it was about time I told the world about my best friend, Ally.

This is her birthday weekend and I will be going up to Boston after six long months apart to celebrate it with her. Let the drinking and gossip commence!

Here’s a little background:

Ally and I met two years ago, while living abroad in Ireland, through an app. A very modern way to start this story, I’d say. At the time, I had only been living there for two weeks, while she had been there for a few years already. I had lived abroad a few times at that point and knew the best way to meet people was either by going out or going online. This means Facebook groups or modern apps, such as Bumble Friends. We used a different one, which actually does not exist anymore (RIP.)

Ally reached out to me and we soon began talking and made plans to meet that very week. Honestly, the whole thing felt like a date, minus the romantic interest. We hit it off so well it was as if we had known each other our entire lives. From that point on, we actually became inseparable. So much so, we moved in together the same year.

Fast forward to today:

Both of us have since moved back to the States, living about three hours apart. Might be hard for some, but we talk 24/7, so besides not seeing each other every minute of the day, things haven’t really changed.

Ally was the friend I needed at the time where life was a bit confusing. Moving to new places is always hard, especially when it is completely alone. Add having the emotional baggage your carrying along, it becomes even harder. Ally and I were in similar situations when we met, both working through things, both needing that person to build the other back up. We always say, we saved each other.

She’s my soul sister, the one who gets me without me even having to say a word. She cheers me on from every sideline, pushing me to always do my best. Sometimes I think she believes in me more than I believe in myself.

Everyone needs a person in their life who is like Ally. I am extremely lucky to have her as a best friend in life. It’s a lifelong friendship for me, one I will never take for granted and I know it’s the same for her. Life only gives you a few genuinely good people, so I say when you find them, whoever it may be, best friend, family, or partner, make sure to hold on tight cause it’s love and friendship which make the journey worth it.

Cheers!

Mirjam

Do you have any people who you cannot see life without? People who feel like they were put in your life at the time you needed someone the most? Let me know all about them in the comments! Xx

Ignoring The Voice Of The Past

Many of my posts are about me doing my best to think more positively, in regards to myself and the world around me. It is a battle that on some days is won and on others, well, the fight stays continuous.

That being said, it is evident that my mind can be a bit of a dark place at times. It is a mind which has developed from the people and experiences that have tried to dim the light inside of me. It is the part of my mind that hasn’t entirely healed, the part which stays a little bit haunted.

I often wonder how I let someone break me down to the level they did. I see myself as such a strong person when I look at myself in the mirror. I go about my days confidently, so sure that the things I do and the paths I have chosen are right. So, why can’t I just erase that voice?

That stupid voice, the one that told me I would never be enough. That I am not smart. That I am not kind. That I am not beautiful. That I am not strong. The voice that tore apart everything I love about myself.

At the end of the day, I know it’s cause I’m human, things happen and they impact you, some more drastically than others. It’s just a part of life, not every experience will be a good one and the best thing you can do is to keep moving forward.

So yes, sometimes I hear that voice, sometimes I feel that hurt all over again, and yes, sometimes I still believe it. But MOST of the time, I can push it away, fight it, remember that yes, I am enough, I am smart, I am kind, I am beautiful, and most of all, I am strong.

Cheers!

Mirjam

p.s. This was a really tough post for me to write, but is one that I KNOW many people can relate to, having possibly gone through similar situations and currently have voices in their head they are fighting. Just know you are never alone and I got you. Keep fighting. Xx

Mothers & Daughters

The mother/daughter relationship for me has always been one of the harder relationships to handle. For many, the mother/daughter dynamic is seen as a “best friend” relationship, where they go shopping together, talk about boys (or girls) together, and gossip about whatever else. It is a thought that has always put a lot of pressure on the actual relationship I have with my mother, a strain almost, to try and create that “ideal” relationship, one that we have never really had.

Let me continue by saying that I love my mother, I really do. I look up to her, I see how strong of a woman she is, how hard she has worked to raise my brothers and I, and how loving of a wife she is to my father. Regardless of all of that, she is not an easy woman, and neither am I.

My teen years were not easy, I was a bit of a nightmare teenager, and with my mother having a similar personality to mine, our relationship took a huge hit during those years. In fact, we sadly stopped speaking for a while. Looking back on it years later, I wish it had not happened that way, but yet it is what has given us the relationship we now have. We pulled through, I got older, matured, and saw my mom in a different light. She went from being someone I really had no interest in knowing, to a person I work really hard to understand. Through that effort of at least trying to understand her, we have almost developed societies “ideal” mother/daughter relationship, I just think we have changed it to fit our ideal. It may not be telling each other secrets all the time and calling each other our “best friend,” but we respect each other, and have fun when we get together to have a girl’s day. For me, that’s really all I ever wanted, just to have a mom who gets me and for me to get her. I’m lucky in that, I have a mom that would never give up on me , and “ideal” relationship or not, I’m forever grateful.

To all the girls out there who might have a difficult relationship with your mom, know that sometimes it just takes time.** Try and see things from her perspective a bit more, and remember she is only human, and everyone makes mistakes.

Cheers!

Mirjam

**P.S. I know that this is not the case for everyone because sometimes there are very bad situations between mothers and daughters. This is a very broad statement more based on my own experience and what I took from it**

Oh, What a Life

Hi!

I hope you all have had an amazing New Years and that this 2019 will be the year you conquer it all. This post will be focusing on the lessons I have learnt in 2018. While some may not relate, I hope at least a few of you will.

**Warning: this is much deeper than what I tend to write, both style wise and topic wise**

  1. Even when you are afraid, still take the leap.

Sounds cliché, I know. Still, it is 100% true. Moving to Ireland was one of the biggest leaps I have taken in my life. I left all my friends and family behind, to start my own life. There are many “what ifs” that go through ones mind when moving to a different country. Not knowing anyone, not knowing the area, working at a new company, and wondering whether this is the RIGHT decision all create worries. What I took from that is  9 times out of 10, your worries don’t actually come true and that by doing what you are afraid of, you gain the most.

  1. Being alone is okay and loneliness is normal. It is what you make of it which matters.

Most people are afraid to be alone, so they get into relationships or get drunk every weekend with people they don’t even like to avoid being alone. While that is fine, the reality of it is that those people may not be alone, but they are most likely still lonely. So, what I have taken for that is not to settle for relationships or create bad habits to avoid being alone, but to embrace it. From that, you learn a hell of a lot about yourself and then after a while being able to be alone is what makes you strong. Loneliness proved to be a lot more difficult. Through loneliness comes sadness, and with that come decisions you may regret or the feeling that you actually can’t do everything you once thought you could. I learnt that you can’t control the feeling of being lonely, everyone feels lonely sometimes, it’s a part of life. Just try and remember it is but a feeling and it usually leaves just as quick as it comes.

  1. Stop trying to control every aspect of your life, the fact of the matter is that what is meant to happen will happen.

I’m a perfectionist, growing up I had every part of my life planned out. So far, none of those plans have actually happened. Life throws a ton of shit your way and suddenly you find yourself going down roads you never thought you would. At the same time, opportunities and people come your way, and if you take those opportunities and get to know those people, the plans you once had are replaced by new ones and the control you wanted is gone. I’m now okay with the lack of control I may have over what happens in my life because I know good or bad I can handle it. 2018 taught me just to take it as it comes.

  1. Explore, the world is gigantic and life passes you by whether you see it or not.

Moving to a different country and starting a job in maritime has opened many doors to seeing the world. Each trip I take allows me to see a different way of life with different types of people and mindsets, opening up my own mind and creating new opinions and thoughts. It is seeing the beauty of the world and the good of the people in it which makes me appreciate life and want to live every part of it to the fullest. I want to know that I did everything I could do to see as much as I possibly can. I refuse to be the woman who sat and watched life go by while everyone else lives it.

  1. When love comes knocking, let it in.

Life has handed me many battles, the biggest ones being in relation to love. I’d say it turned me bitter and into someone I never hoped to be. Building up walls is a dangerous thing when you allow it to turn you cold. I always knew that love and “feelings” would be a hurdle and for a long time I didn’t even try to get over it. I hurt a lot of people through my hurt and I will always be sorry for that. But what’s done is done and all I can do now I hope to become better. The biggest thing 2018 has given me is the realization that I am okay, I am not bitter anymore, and my heart is more open than it ever has been. There will obviously be bumps along the way cause that is what comes with growth, but I have gotten over the hurdle. If you had asked me a year ago if I would have answered the door when love came knocking, it would have been a hard no. This year though I’ll welcome it with open arms.

New year, new me… Nope, it will always still be the old me, but with some improvements. Growth is continuous and if you want to measure it with a timeline, then doing it yearly makes the most sense. The reason behind this post is more than I needed to understand exactly what I have learnt and how much I have grown. It was a year of emotions and challenges, but I am proud of myself and what more could you want than that.

I look forward to what 2019 will bring me, whether it be good or bad, I’m ready.

Lots of love,

Jam

Let me know what lessons you have learnt in 2018 or even what you hope to gain in 2019 below!

Long Distance…Friendships.

As you grow up, it comes as no surprise that people move away and begin lives of their own. This is always tough, especially when it turns out being your two closest friends who move away.

As mentioned in the previous post, my best friend, Ciel, lives in Boulder, Colorado. That is a four-hour plane ride from where I currently live in New York. She has been my best friend since I was thirteen, so when she left five years ago, a part of me, dramatically, went with her.

My other best friend, Becca, who I have also known since I was thirteen, recently moved away to Israel. This, is obviously an even further distance away than Colorado, and I lost another part of me with her. (Clearly, I must be running low on parts.)

Now, I am all about the dramatics, but I truly was very torn up when they moved away. It felt as though I had lost them for good. This, of course did not happen because we are best friends for a reason and them moving away, but maintaining a ridiculously close relationship, only solidified that.

This post will explore the multitude of lessons I have learnt when it comes to have long distance friendships and maintaining them.

  1. They just live further away, they aren’t dead.

I’m not going to lie, when they moved, I cried as though they had died. This was in part since if I have the chance to overreact to something I will, and that I had never really been without them. If there was anything wrong in my life or I just wanted to hang out, they were just a five-minute drive away. But even when you no longer live five minutes away, you still have them in your life at some capacity, and that is better than not at all.

  1. Technology is a lifesaver.

Seriously, I could not imagine having lived during the time when you had to write letters and wait weeks for them to arrive. Technology has given us so many ways to stay in touch 24/7, if you really wanted to. USE THEM.

  1. Do not be the only one putting in the effort.

Like relationships of any sort, communication needs to go both ways. Sometimes, this means you do not talk for weeks or even months, but eventually one of you will reach out. Just make sure that when they do, you are there.

  1. Even when you have not spoken to or seen each other in months, when you finally are able to, it will feel as though you had never been apart from them in the first place.

I can go weeks without speaking to Ciel, yet whenever we get the chance to facetime or see each other, everything is the same as it was before. We have a bond which distance and time cannot change and I am blessed to have her in my life. Becca, on the other hand, we speak weekly and it remains one of the best parts of my week. So, when we see each other after months of being apart, it feels as though she has never lived more than five minutes away.

  1. Distance is the BEST way to see who your true friends are.

Honestly, it may seem like a ridiculous statement to say it is the BEST way, because why should you have to move to figure that one out? But I truly believe in it. It is the friends who stay in contact with you, worry about you, love you, and refuse to let your friendship die, even when you are hundreds or thousands of miles away, that are your true, soulmate level, friends. For me, those people will always be Becca and Ciel.

 

 

What are some lessons you have learnt when it comes to long distance friendships?