Oh, What a Life

Hi!

 

I hope you all have had an amazing New Years and that this 2019 will be the year you conquer it all. This post will be focusing on the lessons I have learnt in 2018. While some may not relate, I hope at least a few of you will.

**Warning: this is much deeper than what I tend to write, both style wise and topic wise**

  1. Even when you are afraid, still take the leap.

Sounds cliché, I know. Still, it is 100% true. Moving to Ireland was one of the biggest leaps I have taken in my life. I left all my friends and family behind, to start my own life. There are many “what ifs” that go through ones mind when moving to a different country. Not knowing anyone, not knowing the area, working at a new company, and wondering whether this is the RIGHT decision all create worries. What I took from that is  9 times out of 10, your worries don’t actually come true and that by doing what you are afraid of, you gain the most.

 

  1. Being alone is okay and loneliness is normal. It is what you make of it which matters.

Most people are afraid to be alone, so they get into relationships or get drunk every weekend with people they don’t even like to avoid being alone. While that is fine, the reality of it is that those people may not be alone, but they are most likely still lonely. So, what I have taken for that is not to settle for relationships or create bad habits to avoid being alone, but to embrace it. From that, you learn a hell of a lot about yourself and then after a while being able to be alone is what makes you strong. Loneliness proved to be a lot more difficult. Through loneliness comes sadness, and with that come decisions you may regret or the feeling that you actually can’t do everything you once thought you could. I learnt that you can’t control the feeling of being lonely, everyone feels lonely sometimes, it’s a part of life. Just try and remember it is but a feeling and it usually leaves just as quick as it comes.

 

  1. Stop trying to control every aspect of your life, the fact of the matter is that what is meant to happen will happen.

I’m a perfectionist, growing up I had every part of my life planned out. So far, none of those plans have actually happened. Life throws a ton of shit your way and suddenly you find yourself going down roads you never thought you would. At the same time, opportunities and people come your way, and if you take those opportunities and get to know those people, the plans you once had are replaced by new ones and the control you wanted is gone. I’m now okay with the lack of control I may have over what happens in my life because I know good or bad I can handle it. 2018 taught me just to take it as it comes.

 

  1. Explore, the world is gigantic and life passes you by whether you see it or not.

Moving to a different country and starting a job in maritime has opened many doors to seeing the world. Each trip I take allows me to see a different way of life with different types of people and mindsets, opening up my own mind and creating new opinions and thoughts. It is seeing the beauty of the world and the good of the people in it which makes me appreciate life and want to live every part of it to the fullest. I want to know that I did everything I could do to see as much as I possibly can. I refuse to be the woman who sat and watched life go by while everyone else lives it.

 

  1. When love comes knocking, let it in.

Life has handed me many battles, the biggest ones beng in relation to love. I’d say it turned me bitter and into someone I never hoped to be. Building up walls is a dangerous thing when you allow it turn you cold. I always knew that love and “feelings” would be a hurdle and for a long time I didn’t even try to get over it. I hurt a lot of people through my hurt and I will always be sorry for that. But what’s done is done and all I can do now I hope to become better. The biggest thing 2018 has given me is the realization that I am okay, I am not bitter anymore, and my heart is more open than it ever has been. There will obviously be bumps along the way cause that is what comes with growth, but I have gotten over the hurdle. If you had asked me a year ago if I would have answered the door when love came knocking, it would have been a hard no. This year though I’ll welcome it with open arms.

 

New year, new me… Nope, it will always still be the old me, but with some improvements. Growth is continuous and if you want to measure it with a timeline, then doing it yearly makes the most sense. The reason behind this post is more than I needed to understand exactly what I have learnt and how much I have grown. It was a year of emotions and challenges, but I am proud of myself and what more could you want than that.

 

I look forward to what 2019 will bring me, whether it be good or bad, I’m ready.

 

Lots of love,

 

Jam

 

 

 

Let me know what lessons you have learnt in 2018 or even what you hope to gain in 2019 below!

“You’re all going to watch me disappear into the sun.”

This is a lyric from Lorde’s song, “Liability.” Since the first time I heard it, it has been engrained into my mind, and with this, my soul. While at first reaction it may seem like an extremely depressing lyric*, for me it is one which embodies an essence of hope and peace.

Turmoil in life is not something I am a stranger to, and while I can tell an entire sob story which explains all of the turmoil, that would counteract the purpose of my blog. Let’s remember, this is a blog meant to spur my more positive side and I aim to accomplish that. Also, as the cliché states: “Keep the past in the past.” AMEN, to whoever came up with that one.

So, back to the lyric, hope and peace. Hope is what every person needs in their life and peace is what one wants to accomplish in the end, is it not? Sure, some people say, “I want to be successful.” Or “I want to be insanely wealthy.” Or “I want to live until I’m 100.” Those are all GREAT aspirations, but are they what bring hope and peace to ones life? I doubt it, I mean success and wealth mostly lead to discontent in ones life or the feeling of never having enough, while saying you want to live until 100 tends to be unrealistic and might actually take away from you fully LIVING.

“You’re all going to watch me disappear into the sun.” For me, it is letting go of all expectations from others and yourself and leading a life that gives you peace. It allows you not to care about what the world thinks of you. It lets you leave the past behind and into a better, brighter future. It gives hope that one can get to that point, that even if life may be tough at the moment, there’s hope. It embodies the life I want to live. Remember, nothing stays bad forever, it will always turn around and we will all get our chance to disappear into the sun.

 

*I realize it can also be in relation to death and the sun being her form of the heaven. Different meanings for different people. Although the sun being the door to heaven (or whatever one believes in) would still be a peaceful thought.

 

What is a lyric or quote which inspires you and how?

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And so it begins…

“And so it begins…” a very popular phrase to signify the beginning of a major or important event. For me, that is starting this blog which will hopefully be filled with the various events (and most likely misgivings) of my life! How exciting.

I have been wanting to start a blog since I was about eighteen years old. That is now five years ago and while I could wait and ponder what I could possibly blog about, I decided now is as good as a time as any.

Now, as a forewarning, I have always been one to be a bit sarcastic, very dramatic, and full of self deprecating jokes. If you stick around, you might catch on to that, but surprisingly enough, this blog will look at life and the future in a positive manner (so I hope.)

There is a lot I have in store for me in the coming months, mostly regarding new jobs in new countries, with new people. Meanwhile, I have also dived back into dating. Add all of these factors together and you get extreme anxiety about the “unknown.”*

If you haven’t caught the gist yet, this blog will be used to keep me sane. This, of course, is only my first post, and I will fill you in on the details in later ones.

Until then,

Mirjam

*Pre-warning: “unknown” will be a word used often and with lack of restraint, at least until I figure out what the “unknown” is.