One of the main things I have been working on the past few years, but have really been starting to achieve this year, is just loving myself. A big part of that is in the way I see myself in the mirror, so sadly it has a lot to do with how I look.
When I was younger, I was always very skinny, mostly due to puberty not really hitting me till I was about seventeen. For me, that was an ideal way to look, so skinny you could literally fit into the smallest size without an issue. That, in itself, is an issue. Turns out, my “womanly” body, as my mother calls it, is quite curvy. Now let me tell you, curvy does not fit into the smallest size. And for me, that was tragic.
From there, started the years of diets, restrictions, and emotional turmoil, all due to hating the way I looked and the fact that I was not skinny enough for myself. The “for myself” is key because I was plenty fine for everyone else.
It is actually ridiculous how you can get so into your mind about something that is not even a problem. It is usually just societal ideals being put into your mind and you deciding you are not good enough. That is what makes it so heartbreaking.
I look at myself today, and I might not think I’m perfect, I still may diet, or have days that I cry about the way I look, but I finally know I’m enough. Just the fact that I don’t obsess about the scale or cry because I don’t fit into something I may have the year before are big steps for me. I’m proud of those steps. I’m proud that I can look in the mirror and feel beautiful or the fact that I finally know I don’t have to be everyone’s idea of perfect. I’m perfect in my own way.
It is with those tiny “victories” that I started loving myself a bit more. To love yourself, in any way, being mentally, physically, or emotionally, is not an easy task and I give props to anyone whose working on that. My advice, is to take it day by day and stop being so hard on yourself, usually it’s just all in your head.